k-bro’s blog

 

I’m alone in the house, so it’s a perfect time to talk to the TV as the game goes. I’ll keep track - that is until someone comes home and I have to stop talking (the other members of the household just don’t get it).

Top 1: (First pitch, ball) That doesn’t bode well.
I see Livan really likes the pixie vests.
(A-Rod homers) Crappola!
(Matsui gets a base hit) Stop with the giving up of the hits already!

Top 2: (Moeller strikes out on the slow curve) Ni-iiice! I love that pitch!
What’s going on with the pitcher’s growing beards? I noticed that Blackburn was scruffy (we saw enough close-ups of his face), and now Livan is scruffy. Are they growing homer-less beards too?
(Wild pitch) Who the hell are you throwing that to? The guy on deck?
I wonder if that new Get Smart movie will be good? It kinda sounds like fun.

Bottom 2: (Cuddy gets a base hit) Yay Cuddy! So maybe the beard is lucky after all.
Hmmm. Delmon’s hitting pretty good lately.

Top 3: (Harris makes a nice play to get Giambi out) Ooh. Nice play.
Doesn’t it seem like Morneau’s getting to be better defensively all the time? He’s really a very good first baseman.

Bottom 3: (Macri at the plate) Oh, it’s pronounced ma-CREE? All the times I’ve read his name, I didn’t pronounce it that way in my head.
(Pettitte throws wildly to first allowing Go-Go to go-go to third) Go-Go runs so fast, his helmet can’t even keep up.
(Alexi bunts Go-Go home and is safe at first) Yes! When did Alexi get good at baseball?

Top 4: (Twins turn a nice double play) Sweet!

Bottom 4: (Livan pitches around a lead-off double) Nice job Livan.

Top 6: (Delmon misses two fly balls this gal thinks he should have caught and Yankees take the lead) Oh, for crying out loud Delmon!

Top 7: (Umpire blows yet another call in the Yankees’ favor allowing them to go ahead again) How much are the Yankee’s paying you Mr. Umpire? (among other profanity-laced rants I shouldn’t post because my mother reads this)

Bottom 7: Hey, Joey is clean-shaven. Whoa! JOEY HIT A HOMERUN!!! And he had a look of “whew” on his face as he went back to the dugout. Cute.

Now everyone is home again, so I have to act like a real human being again. But I can still converse in my head.

Top 8: (Cuddy throws out Jeter at second) I **heart** Cuddy’s arm! What were you thinking running on Cuddy’s arm you fool?

Bottom 8: (Cuddy hits a nice double) Cuddy! I swoon for you.
(Delmon doubles driving in Cuddy and going ahead) Delmon, I love you again.
(Delmon gets caught stealing third) Ok Delmon, I take it back.
(Go-Go strikes out swinging, again) Go-Go honey, you need to learn some patience.

Top 9: (Nathan takes the mound) Joe, no interesting! (said out loud, because I always say that out loud when Joe takes the mound)
(Nathan gives up a hit) Joe, No. More. Interesting.
(Casilla to Harris to Morneau) YES!
**clapping wildly** Joe. No. Interesting!
YES!!!!!

Twins 6 - Yankees 5
Series split 2 games each

 

Twins 7 - Rangers 8
Series split 2 - 2

In the spirit of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”, I am only going to talk about the positives of yesterday’s game. As tempting as it would be to complain about starting pitchers giving up four runs in the first, relief pitchers committing throwing errors that should have been easy outs, and batters leaving about 146 runners on base, I won’t. I also won’t go into how, even though Go-Go would love to carry the entire team on his back, he’s pretty little to actually expect him to, because who really needs all that negativity?

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So, keeping with the strictly positive theme:

• YAY! for Go-Go for going 4 for 5 with a homer and an awesome catch.
• YAY! for Justin for driving in two to tie the game.
• YAY! for Brendan and Cuddy for being patient at the plate and allowing the pitcher to walk in runs.

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It was interesting listening to Dazzle while the Ranger pitchers were, as he put it, “walking the world.” He was absolutely aghast, as if they committing crimes against baseball — which they pretty much were. He was also in a snit (my absolute favorite word) about the pitching matchups - they left the right-hander in to face Morneau. John said something like, “but this guy’s pretty good at getting lefties out,” to which Dan replied, “but why do they have Eddie Guardado? Why do they have [the other left-handed pitcher, whatever his name is]?” I could practically see him marching around the booth, just itching to go down to the field and put a stop to the madness.

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I’m off to the lake this weekend. I hope the weather behaves as predicted. Maybe I’ll pay attention to the Detroit series, maybe I won’t. And if I do, maybe I’ll blog about it, maybe I won’t.
 Have a great weekend!

 

Friday: Twins 4 - Rockies 2
Saturday: Twins 2 - Rockies 3
Sunday: Twins 2 - Rockies 6

Well, at least this time we don’t have to get the dustbunnies out. But seriously, I think we could have done better. Maybe the boys were tired. Maybe it was the thin air. Maybe it was the humidor balls. Who knows, but it just seemed like they were kind of flat.

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Friday’s game was kind of fun, and it was nice to break up that little losing streak. But Nathonator once again made it waaaay too interesting. Luckily, Go-Go made that nice catch to end the game. Too bad it cost him starting the next two games. And doesn’t it seem that if Go-Go isn’t in the game, the Twins just aren’t the same team? Has anyone figured out what our record is with him in versus without him in? (I know I could probably figure it out myself, but I don’t wanna. Besides, chances are that someone else already has, and why double the effort?)

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Saturday’s game was pretty good until I started paying attention. Sorry. I guess Livan had a perfect game going through the fifth. Of course, right when I got home and turned on the TV, I saw Justin Morneau try to catch Matt Holliday’s foul ball that could have been called fan interference but wasn’t. Then he doubled, and that was pretty much the end of the perfect game, eventually the shutout, and then the lead.

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And another thing, while being taking a perfect game through five innings is terrific, especially for a contact-type pitcher like Livan, I think that the KARE11 sports team needs to settle down. They teased the coverage by saying something like “Hernandez flirts with perfection.” Um, five innings isn’t “flirting” with perfection. Eight, or maybe even seven, innings is flirting. Five innings is looking up from the end of the bar and noticing that perfection keeps looking over at you. You’re not even thinking about buying it a drink yet after five.

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I missed today’s game because I was at a youth baseball tournament. (Yes, I was freezing. Thanks for asking.) I listened to the post-game coverage on the radio after we were done, and from the sound of Gardy’s reaction to the game, I think the 11 and 12-year-olds I watched play had a more polished game than our Twins.

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Excuse me, yes, I’d like to order a round of bubble wrap for the remaining healthy players please.

Let’s assess the most recent damage:

• Matt “Tigger” Tolbert is on the DL for shredding his thumb sliding head-first into first. Poor guy; he was beginning to make a good impression, and now this. And the extent of the injury (ligament damage) sounds like it’s going to take quite a bit more than a 15-day recovery.
• Then there’s Go-Go’s catch into the wall that tweaked his wrist. According to the Twins website, there’s a real possibility that he’ll land on the DL as well.
• Plus, Joey’s got a crick in his neck.

 

Twins 9 - Sox of the Red 8

Miss me? I guess I have some catching up to do. I’m also watching the game as I write this, so I’ll be flip-flopping between my thoughts of the past week with my thoughts of the game. Forgive me if I’m confusing.

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First of all, Happy Mother’s Day! If you’re a mom, I hope you enjoyed your day. If you’re not a mom, I hoped you hugged a mom.
To my mom: Love you. Sorry I didn’t actually hug you today. I told the cat to hug you for me; I hope she did.

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Top first: Hey Eeyore, nice job striking out Youkilis and Lowell. *grin*

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Speaking of Mother’s Day, mine was very nice. My kids gave me a really cool Twins shirt. I think they’ve got me pretty well figured out.

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Tuesday’s game: Gavin Floyd nearly no-hit the Twins. That must’ve been ugly. Thank goodness for Joey to break that up for us.

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Bottom second: Nice jack, Craig. *woot* Hey, has anyone come up with a good nickname for him yet?
Seriously? Adam “Adam” Everett hit a homer? Cool.

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Wednesday’s game: Go-Go hits for the cycle. I loved that. And I also loved reading his quotes. Fun stuff. I was also very impressed with Livan for taking a shutout to the ninth and completing the game.

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Bottom third: Who put the fear of God into Mike Lamb lately?

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The best way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then pick it up. ~Bob Uecker
Ok, so how many times did Morgan-n-Miller say the word “knuckleball” tonight?

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Thursday’s game: I actually caught part of that game on a lunch break. But it was a big yawner.

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Bottom fourth: *snicker* Big Papi was goofing around when they were interviewing Francona. In fact, he was way more interesting than Francona.

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Notes to the Injured:
Dear Pat-Pat, I wish I could take it away from you so you can get better. Rehab well and come back next year better than ever.
Dear Nicky, Get better quick.

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Friday’s game: Wow. A come-from-behind win and Lammers is the hero. Way to go!

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Bottom seventh: Hello again Mr. Monroe!
What’s up with Mike Timlin’s camouflage glove?

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Top ninth: Dear Nathanator, That was waaaaaay too interesting for my liking. But you managed to do the job, so thanks.

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And finally, one thing I learned about Vancouver that surprised me: I expected hockey to be very popular. They’re still following the Stanley Cup playoffs closely even though their team is out of it. Between hockey games, they do follow baseball. I figured that since Vancouver is so close to Seattle, they’d follow the Mariners. Nope. They follow the Blue Jays, even though they’re three time zones away. I guess all of Canada follows Canada’s only team, eh?

 

Twins 11 - Tigers 1

Ok, I have to admit that during the pre-game, I was really worried about this game. They were talking about how the Tigers have been playing well lately (notice that I didn’t say “as of late” - that’s another topic all together*), ever since the last time they played the Twins. And Livan was pitching, and we all know what happened last time he did that. To top it off, they were wearing the ridiculous pixie vests. In my mind, all this added up to a feeling of dread. Luckily, my instincts were way off. And if it turns out that the pixie vests were the good luck charms, well I guess I’m willing to give them another chance. It’ll be interesting to see if Livan is superstitious.

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My Dearest Go-Go,
Please be ok.
Love, k-bro

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Speaking of Go-Go’s injury, I was really impressed that Pudge marched out there to make sure he was ok. It even looked like the umpire tried to stop him, but he would have none of that.

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My favorite thing about the game: Livan’s 61 mph curveball falling in for a strike.

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Sad news about Gardy’s brother. It reminds me that I need to remember what’s important in my life. Extra hugs and kisses for my family this weekend.

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And finally, the “Ain’t No Way You Can Get Me To Say That Word On Air Again” moment of the game: Dick-N-Bert were talking about Miguel Cabrera’s reaction to the aforementioned 61 mph curveball. Apparently he didn’t like it and told Livan so. Dick said something about not knowing how to read lips and not knowing Spanish, but pretty sure he still knew what he said. And then Bert said, “I’m not gonna say it, you say it.” Heh heh.

*Why do sportscasters feel the need to say “as of late” when they mean “lately”? No one else says “as of late” (“Hey Jim, what’ve you been up to as of late?” “Well Bob, not much, but as of late Joyce has been nagging me to take her on a cruise.”). What’s wrong with “lately”? It’s a perfectly nice word, and not a snooty.

So our guys have the evening off, and I suppose they’re pretty blue. They didn’t have a very good weekend, so they need something to cheer them up. And what’s better to lift the spirits of a bunch of boys than toys? So I checked out amazon.com and found some fun things for them to play with.

For Nick Blackburn: You always seem so grumpy and I’ve never seen you smile. And that’s ok, because you gotta be who you gotta be. I can’t think of anything that celebrates gloominess better than this Eeyore plush.

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For Matt Tolbert : Gardy says you never stop moving around and that you’re just a bundle of energy. So, to capture your personality, and to go along with the “Winnie the Pooh” theme, I chose this Tigger plush.

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For Go-Go: Everyone knows that no one is faster than you. So the only thing I can think of that can keep up with you is this Lightning McQueen toy.

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For Joey: Girls have been chasing you since you broke into the majors. I figure that if you’re going to be treated like an American Idol, you may as well pretend you’re an American Idol. So I chose this American Idol Recording Studio.

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For Cuddy: I’m glad you’re back off the DL, but I’m still worried about your hand. I think you should protect it as much as possible while you play, so I chose these Sock’em Boppers for you.

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For Boof: Nice job on losing weight. You look great, and you should be proud. Since you have many fewer fat cells in your body, you might want to play with this Giant Microbes Fat Cell plush toy.*

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For Everyone Else (because I want to be done now): After such a downer of a game on Sunday, you all must be tense and serious. Nothing lightens things up better than lots and lots of bubbles. I chose this Gazillion Bubbles Machine.

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*I know, a plush fat cell is creepy, but this company has a whole line of creepy microbe plush toys such as syphilis, e.coli, HIV, the clap. Maybe we can send a bunch to the visitor’s clubhouse. 

Twins 5 - Oakland 4

The Twins traveled to sunny California to celebrate Earth Day by facing a Green Team.  Luckily, Craig Monroe realized as he stepped up to the plate for his first at-bat that the A’s aren’t really a Green Team, but merely a team that happens to wear green.  Big difference.  I think the ugly white shoes tipped him off. He showed his distaste for the posers by going 3 for 4 and driving in 3. Nice work, Craig.

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Dear Go-Go,

Honey, going for the Golden Sombrero is no caliente. In fact, it is muy feo. Please avoid doing that in the future.  Thanks.

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Reasons I dislike playing Oakland:

• The games are usually on after my bed time. When one is my age, one needs as much beauty sleep as one can get.
• Those blasted aforementioned white shoes. They look especially ridiculous on the players who wear tall socks because the socks are dark green. And I normally love tall socks.
• The people in the stands with the annoying horns.  I know many stadiums have fans with horns, but Oakland is the only place where it bugs me so much. And I noticed a new wrinkle last night — fans with whistles.
• Dick-n-Bert go on and on and on about the amount of foul territory there. WE KNOW!

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They have the “Ode to Joy” commercial on the Twins website now (thanks Krissy for the heads-up).  I’ve seen it at least 25 times, and I still think it’s the most hilarious thing ever. Love it, love it, love it.

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And finally, the “I got it, I got it, I got it, I ain’t got it” moments of the game: How many bloop hits did the Twins get in front of Oakland’s outfield — three or four? I know they got one in front of Go-Go that he overran, but I felt much better about it when they were doing the same thing with much more regularity.

 

Friday: Twins 0 - Cleveland 4

Saturday: Twins 3 - Cleveland 0

Sunday: Twins 2 - Cleveland 1

My thoughts on Friday’s game: Pew. I don’t even want to remember it.

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My thoughts on Saturday’s game: Well, I didn’t see it. It sounded like it was a lot of fun. It actually sounded like my kind of game - great pitching and great defense. Turning four double plays is hot. I was busy enjoying a high school production of “Beauty and the Beast”.

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My thoughts on today’s game: Groovy. In fact, I’m so happy, I’m breaking out my bullet-points.

• Scotty pitched very nicely. I think he’s going to be the strikeout leader of the team.
• Hey! A Twin not named Justin Morneau or Jason Kubel finally hit a homerun! Congrats on your first Twins homer Brendan Harris. An opposite field one, too.
• Go-Go’s catch was muy caliente.

  

• They showed the new commercial with the pitchers singing. It was flippin’ hilarious. Those commercials get better every time. It’s funny that Joe Nathan, who said that the pitchers were the worst singing act ever, happened to be the very worst of them all. All the guys looked like they had a great time; Boof was especially goofy (ha ha, get it, Goofy Boof). I just checked the Twins website to see if was there, but it wasn’t yet. I imagine it’ll be there in the next day or two.
• They have “All you can eat night“?!? Sweet! I could bring my sons and make those dome vendors rue that idea. Trust me, my boys can really put it away when dared to. I’ll have to check our schedule.
• Do you think that Justin Morneau walked up to the plate in the bottom of the 10^th signing “Here I come to save the day” ala Dudley Do-right like they say in the radio commercial? Nice work, Justin.

  

And finally, the “Gotta Love Dick-n-Bert” moment of the game (double):
1) In the bottom of the 10^th, with Jason Kubel at the plate:
Dick: [something like] “They don’t want to walk Kubel here.”
Bert: “Sure they do. Then they know where he’s at.”

2) Again in the bottom of the 10^th, with Justin Morneau at the plate, Dick was going on and on, carrying on both sides of a conversation over whether Jason Kubel should take second “his run doesn’t matter, but it might take the bat out of Morneau’s hand, but if they get to two strikes, they might have to think about it….” Turned out it didn’t matter.

Livan had another good game.  And so did Tolbert, Span, Go-Go, and Justin. At least that’s according to the box scores.  The game wasn’t on tv.  But I didn’t mind, because the Wild were on.  Playoff hockey is pretty fun, especially when the Wild win.  It was a pretty cool game, but a little too roller-coaster for me. I’d like it better if the Wild got the lead early and kept it.  I like when the Twins do that too, which they did.

Since there wasn’t a game to watch, I don’t have a moment of the game.  However, I do have a substitue…

And finally, the “You’d Think the Twins Would Keep Closer Track of Their Players” moment of the day: Earlier today, I visited the Twins website, and off to the side, they had a video clip of Kubel’s grand slam on Wednesday.  Too bad he hit it against the Red Sox while the rest of the Twins were playing the White Sox.

Twins 12 - Chicago 5

Scotty looked really good last night, even though he started to make a habit of giving up lead off homeruns. It doesn’t matter as much when you’re the pitcher of record when your team scores 12 runs. Very nice to see life in the bats.
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The boys looked so adorable in their stocking caps. I need to get me one of those.

 
And who knows? Maybe if I buy myself a stocking cap, Mother Nature will spite me and change the weather so I can’t wear it. We can only hope.
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I totally called Jason Kubel’s grand slam. Bert was calling for a gapper, “that’s what the Twins want him to do; hit a gapper.” And I said, “Kubes, you can do better than that.” Yup. My good.
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A.J. Pierzynski is the only catcher I know who has a hard time catching intentional walks. We’ve all seen a ton of intentional walks over the years, but A.J. is the only one who has to jump/dive/leap/run around in order to catch them. Is it him or his pitchers?
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Who replaced the Twins with the Stooges in the 6^th? Don’t do that again.
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My Web-Gem regardless of what ESPN says: Go-Go’s crazy-ass diving catch in the 1^st. Very hot.
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And finally, the “Someone Please Hit a Foul Ball Right into That Guy’s Mouth” moment of the game: In the 9^th, there was this jackass in the stands heckling the Twins. You could really hear him because the most of the rest of the crowd was gone by then. It was most noticeable right after Lammers got hurt. This guy’s most brilliant taunt (with Everett up to bat and Go-Go in the on-deck circle): “Gomez, we don’t want to see you doing a jig.” What does that even mean?