k-bro’s blog

 

I’m alone in the house, so it’s a perfect time to talk to the TV as the game goes. I’ll keep track - that is until someone comes home and I have to stop talking (the other members of the household just don’t get it).

Top 1: (First pitch, ball) That doesn’t bode well.
I see Livan really likes the pixie vests.
(A-Rod homers) Crappola!
(Matsui gets a base hit) Stop with the giving up of the hits already!

Top 2: (Moeller strikes out on the slow curve) Ni-iiice! I love that pitch!
What’s going on with the pitcher’s growing beards? I noticed that Blackburn was scruffy (we saw enough close-ups of his face), and now Livan is scruffy. Are they growing homer-less beards too?
(Wild pitch) Who the hell are you throwing that to? The guy on deck?
I wonder if that new Get Smart movie will be good? It kinda sounds like fun.

Bottom 2: (Cuddy gets a base hit) Yay Cuddy! So maybe the beard is lucky after all.
Hmmm. Delmon’s hitting pretty good lately.

Top 3: (Harris makes a nice play to get Giambi out) Ooh. Nice play.
Doesn’t it seem like Morneau’s getting to be better defensively all the time? He’s really a very good first baseman.

Bottom 3: (Macri at the plate) Oh, it’s pronounced ma-CREE? All the times I’ve read his name, I didn’t pronounce it that way in my head.
(Pettitte throws wildly to first allowing Go-Go to go-go to third) Go-Go runs so fast, his helmet can’t even keep up.
(Alexi bunts Go-Go home and is safe at first) Yes! When did Alexi get good at baseball?

Top 4: (Twins turn a nice double play) Sweet!

Bottom 4: (Livan pitches around a lead-off double) Nice job Livan.

Top 6: (Delmon misses two fly balls this gal thinks he should have caught and Yankees take the lead) Oh, for crying out loud Delmon!

Top 7: (Umpire blows yet another call in the Yankees’ favor allowing them to go ahead again) How much are the Yankee’s paying you Mr. Umpire? (among other profanity-laced rants I shouldn’t post because my mother reads this)

Bottom 7: Hey, Joey is clean-shaven. Whoa! JOEY HIT A HOMERUN!!! And he had a look of “whew” on his face as he went back to the dugout. Cute.

Now everyone is home again, so I have to act like a real human being again. But I can still converse in my head.

Top 8: (Cuddy throws out Jeter at second) I **heart** Cuddy’s arm! What were you thinking running on Cuddy’s arm you fool?

Bottom 8: (Cuddy hits a nice double) Cuddy! I swoon for you.
(Delmon doubles driving in Cuddy and going ahead) Delmon, I love you again.
(Delmon gets caught stealing third) Ok Delmon, I take it back.
(Go-Go strikes out swinging, again) Go-Go honey, you need to learn some patience.

Top 9: (Nathan takes the mound) Joe, no interesting! (said out loud, because I always say that out loud when Joe takes the mound)
(Nathan gives up a hit) Joe, No. More. Interesting.
(Casilla to Harris to Morneau) YES!
**clapping wildly** Joe. No. Interesting!
YES!!!!!

Twins 6 - Yankees 5
Series split 2 games each

 

Friday: Twins 5 - Evil Empire 6
Saturday: Twins 6 - E. E. 7 (12)
Sunday: Twins 5 - E. E. 1

First of all, I’m very glad to see that Nick Blackburn is going to be ok. That was scary for a minute there. Fortunately, he’ll only have a fat lip, and probably a headache, for a couple days. Which is good, because he’s a pretty good-looking guy, and I’d hate to see his face messed up. I guess health-wise, he’s very lucky. But, when it comes to actually getting a win in a game, he just can’t catch a break. Because of a really stupid rule, he didn’t get the win, even though, in my opinion, he totally deserved it. Apparently, a starter has to complete five innings to qualify for a win. If he can’t, but his team is leading when he comes out, it’s up to the official scorer to determine who gets it. In this case, Bass gets it, even though he didn’t even pitch two full innings.

---

Back to Friday’s and Saturday’s games, which pretty much seemed like the same game, only Saturday’s lasted longer, I’ll try to focus on the positives. So I won’t mention how our guys left like a million men on base in scoring position, or how leaving a certain reliever in for a second inning in a tie game isn’t my idea of a good plan. I’m not upset at Nicky’s error, but I do think Boof could’ve done a much better job getting that third out in Saturday’s third inning. However, I was very happy to see Cuddy hit a homer, and I was really impressed with Breslow’s, the new guy, pitching. All in all, only mildly disappointing, but still entertaining. Here’s hoping for a game more like Sunday’s for Monday.

---

As I write this, I’m watching the Mets - Dodgers game, and every time they talk about the Dodgers’ right fielder, Delwyn Young, I keep thinking they say “Delmon Young”. And it doesn’t even seem odd to me. I wonder what that means.

---

Blog note: There seems to be a problem with the formatting. I apologize,
but it seems to be an issue with blog.com. If the right side is cut off, try
clicking Permanent Link below. It’s still cut off a little, but it’s readable.

 

Twins 5 - Royals 1
Twins sweep series in 3

Well, that was much better. No crazy come-from-behind drama. No extra innings. No errors or even bone-headed defensive plays. And thank goodness too, because I watched the entire game whilst in the throes of a nasty migraine. Ugh. I don’t think I could’ve handled yelling or cheering at the TV for any reason; I’m glad I didn’t have to.

---

Kevin Slowey. Wow. That was fantastic. That was fun to watch. Throwing first-pitch strikes and having a ton of confidence on the mound is very sexy.

---

Did anyone else notice that Joey and Cuddy are growing beards? Is Justin too? It’s hard to tell (especially since I couldn’t see very well, what with the headache and all). And it looks like they’re real beards (as opposed to just “going scruffy”) because they’re neatly trimmed along the jaw line. It’s kind of funny to see baby-face Joey growing a beard. Edit: I guess it’s true; they are growing beards (not Justin). According to JoeC’s blog, they’re growing “homer-less beards”. Cute. Just don’t get too used to them, guys - everyone would rather see the homers.

---

Everyone, including me, seems to relish saying “the Last Place Yankees”. I’d just like to add a caution statement.
CAUTION:  Take the Yankees seriously. They are evil. They crush opponents’ souls when given an opportunity. They are looking for a chance to turn their season around. Make sure to play excellent baseball. Avoid giving them opportunities to win.

---

Another Edit (well more like adding something I meant to write but forgot because I was writing something else when I first thought of it and didn’t think of it again until well after I published this): Now that the Twins have left KC, I’m rooting for the Royals to start winning. First of all, they’re facing the Whine Sox next, and anyone who beats them is OK with me. But more importantly, I like their fans (they were so friendly and polite when I visited) and they deserve better then what their team is giving them right now. My family is making plans to go there in August when the Twins are there again, and I think it would be fun if the games were somehow “meaningful”.

 

Twins 4 - Royals 3 (12) [We won, so why does it hurt so much?]

Thank you Cuddy for salvaging the game and leading us away from despair.

---

Poor Nick Blackburn. I’ve accused him of being a gloomy guy because he never really smiles. But with the kind of luck he has, it’s easy to understand why. After all, what does he have to do? He pitches a gem - almost a complete game shutout - and he watches it being ripped away on Nathan’s very first pitch. I wanted to cry when they showed Nick in the dugout after the Royals tied it up. He just looked so sad.

---

I rarely question Gardy’s decisions. I’d be a horrible manager and I know it, so I don’t bother. But this time, I’m convinced that if he had let Nick stay in for one more batter, things would have been much, much better. He was getting ground balls all night, and I’m sure he would have induced the double play ball he needed. In fact, I was screaming that to the TV as Gardy walked out to the mound. I’m willing to bet that I wasn’t the only one.

---

Dear Bert, Please, please, please don’t ever talk about your personal hygiene again. I mean, seriously, chewing your toenails? Eeeewwww. I could’ve gone all day without thinking about that.

---

And finally, the “This is What Happens When You Get Dressed in the Dark” moment of the game: Did anyone else notice that Jimmy “Gobble” Gobble had his undershirt on backwards? I didn’t see it until the camera showed him from behind, but the “Royals” embroidery on the neck was in the back and the MLB logo that belongs on the back was in the front. Maybe it’s a good luck thing. Or maybe he needed to get dressed in a hurry.

 

Twins 7 - Rangers 8
Series split 2 - 2

In the spirit of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”, I am only going to talk about the positives of yesterday’s game. As tempting as it would be to complain about starting pitchers giving up four runs in the first, relief pitchers committing throwing errors that should have been easy outs, and batters leaving about 146 runners on base, I won’t. I also won’t go into how, even though Go-Go would love to carry the entire team on his back, he’s pretty little to actually expect him to, because who really needs all that negativity?

---

So, keeping with the strictly positive theme:

• YAY! for Go-Go for going 4 for 5 with a homer and an awesome catch.
• YAY! for Justin for driving in two to tie the game.
• YAY! for Brendan and Cuddy for being patient at the plate and allowing the pitcher to walk in runs.

---

It was interesting listening to Dazzle while the Ranger pitchers were, as he put it, “walking the world.” He was absolutely aghast, as if they committing crimes against baseball — which they pretty much were. He was also in a snit (my absolute favorite word) about the pitching matchups - they left the right-hander in to face Morneau. John said something like, “but this guy’s pretty good at getting lefties out,” to which Dan replied, “but why do they have Eddie Guardado? Why do they have [the other left-handed pitcher, whatever his name is]?” I could practically see him marching around the booth, just itching to go down to the field and put a stop to the madness.

---

I’m off to the lake this weekend. I hope the weather behaves as predicted. Maybe I’ll pay attention to the Detroit series, maybe I won’t. And if I do, maybe I’ll blog about it, maybe I won’t.
 Have a great weekend!

  Twins 1 - Texas 10

Yup. This is what happens when we tempt the baseball gods, for they do love a laugh, especially at the expense of over-confident fans.
Among my “daily reading”, I check out Howard Sinker’s blog. Read that last line there.

Then read the first commenter’s response.

Mmmm hmmm. My. Reaction. Exactly. But I don’t want to put the blame solely on Howard. Just about every blog, article, and report I read about Sidney Ponson and tonight’s game predicted Sir Sid would flounder. I even saw a scroll on ESPN that proclaimed that our old buddy had a 9.00 ERA in his last two starts (or something like that). So pretty much everyone expected the Twins to breeze through this one.

---

Oh well, let’s all shake it off. Hmm, shake… I know… Since the defense pretty much played like Little Leaguers (again - except for a couple of nice plays), the guys should go out to Dairy Queen in full uniform just like Little Leaguers and have some shakes and cones. That’ll cheer them up in time for tomorrow’s game.

Just make sure you don’t get a brain freeze like that kid that Dick-n-Bert picked as the fan of the game. The game was painful enough.

---

And finally, the “He May Not Be Ready For Prime Time, But He’s Makin’ ‘Em Laugh on Late Night” moment of the day: Heh. Heh. I’m watching David Letterman as I write this. He used Michael Cuddyer’s hat-bill juggle-catch in one of his bits. It’s a running gag about an anchorwoman who accidently dropped an f-bomb.

Twins 7 - The Team That Calls Itself World Champions 3
Twins take series 3-1

So, most of us had a choice last night. What did you decide? The ESPN yahoos or our lovable Dick-n-Bert? Me? I chose Dick-n-Bert. I guess I just like familiarity. And I think I made a good choice. Did ESPN show shots of Boof unraveling a baseball? I doubt it. But our guys stuck with the story until conclusion and Boof got to the core of the matter.

---

Up until the seventh, Boof’s unwrapping adventure was the most adorable moment of the game. Then Cuddy did his little juggling magic trick pulling a baseball out of his hat. That play will probably be the most adorable moment of the whole season. And Dick laughing about it was almost as adorable.

---

In fact, the whole game was pretty much adorable. Coming from behind is adorable. Stringing hits together for runs is adorable. And even though giving up three runs in the first isn’t so much adorable, settling down and not allowing any more might be. However, catching a screaming liner and stinging your hand is adorable. And, in a weird way, watching the opposing pitcher throw a temper tantrum is adorable. In fact, in honor of all the adorableness, I’ll post this adorable picture.

---

It seems that Livan likes the pixie vests - he’s two for two at home with them. I guess if he keeps getting these results, I’ll get used to them.

---

A non-adorable moment was when Delmon rolled his ankle running the basepaths. Fortunately, it doesn’t sound like it’s too serious. I hope he’ll be fine.

---

And finally, the “even though it happened to a division rival, it’s still really cool” moment of the day: Last night, Asdrubal Cabrera of the Cleveland Indians completed an unassisted triple play. It’s like only the 14th in major league history. Pretty groovy.

So our guys have the evening off, and I suppose they’re pretty blue. They didn’t have a very good weekend, so they need something to cheer them up. And what’s better to lift the spirits of a bunch of boys than toys? So I checked out amazon.com and found some fun things for them to play with.

For Nick Blackburn: You always seem so grumpy and I’ve never seen you smile. And that’s ok, because you gotta be who you gotta be. I can’t think of anything that celebrates gloominess better than this Eeyore plush.

---

For Matt Tolbert : Gardy says you never stop moving around and that you’re just a bundle of energy. So, to capture your personality, and to go along with the “Winnie the Pooh” theme, I chose this Tigger plush.

---

For Go-Go: Everyone knows that no one is faster than you. So the only thing I can think of that can keep up with you is this Lightning McQueen toy.

---

For Joey: Girls have been chasing you since you broke into the majors. I figure that if you’re going to be treated like an American Idol, you may as well pretend you’re an American Idol. So I chose this American Idol Recording Studio.

---

For Cuddy: I’m glad you’re back off the DL, but I’m still worried about your hand. I think you should protect it as much as possible while you play, so I chose these Sock’em Boppers for you.

---

For Boof: Nice job on losing weight. You look great, and you should be proud. Since you have many fewer fat cells in your body, you might want to play with this Giant Microbes Fat Cell plush toy.*

---

For Everyone Else (because I want to be done now): After such a downer of a game on Sunday, you all must be tense and serious. Nothing lightens things up better than lots and lots of bubbles. I chose this Gazillion Bubbles Machine.

---

*I know, a plush fat cell is creepy, but this company has a whole line of creepy microbe plush toys such as syphilis, e.coli, HIV, the clap. Maybe we can send a bunch to the visitor’s clubhouse. 

 

Saturday: Twins 12 - Rangers 6

Sunday: Twins 0 - Rangers 10

Since Saturday’s game was more fun, I’ll talk about it first. Too bad I didn’t see much of it, and didn’t hear any of it. I was visiting friends, and they had the TV on in the corner for me, but it was muted. The score was 5 - 2 Rangers when I sneered and opened another beer. Then, every time I looked up, there was someone in a blue jersey missing, booting, or otherwise duffing a ball. That was fun.

---

I also saw Cuddy’s homer. Nice work, sweetie.

---

Ahem, now today’s game. Yeah, not as much fun. Is it time to start worrying about Livan? Is he beginning to remind anyone of another pitcher who looked good at first, but then wound up getting released (hint hint Ramon Ortiz)? Let’s hope not; perhaps I’m just being premature.

---

And finally, the “Kids Are Great” moment of the game: I think they have microphones pointing at the crowd during the broadcasts to get the “at the ballpark” feel on TV. Well, the microphone must have been pointing at some kids today, because I could hear them really clearly. For the most part, they were cheering for their team like you would expect - “Let’s go [whoever's at bat]“, or “Let’s go Rangers”, etc. But I totally laughed my head off when, while Livan was struggling, I heard them shout, “We want a pitcher, not a belly-itcher!” Me too, kids, me too. I don’t know why I thought it was so funny - I guess it reminded me of “Little Big League”.

 

Twins 5 - Rangers 6 (10)

I know everyone else in Twins Territory asked it, probably out loud, but I’m going to ask it too: Why, oh why did Gardy put Rincon in for the 10^th when Joe Nathan was warm? Why?

---

A lot of stupid things happened in the game, like giving back a 5-run lead and throwing to the wrong base, but the stupidest had to be in the bottom of the 8^th when the ball went right through Mike Lamb’s legs. Actually, the best part was his reaction - he must have felt like an 8 year old kid again. Fortunately, no harm was done because of it, so it’s pretty funny.

---

Glad to see Cuddy back.

---

Are the Rangers seriously considering starting Sidney Ponson? According to the Twins website, they are. In fact, the picture of Sir Sid shows him still wearing a Twins hat.

---

And finally, the “Are the Guys in the Truck Watching the Same Game?” moment of the game: In the 1^st, when Joey was up to bat with Go-Go on second, all of a sudden the scroll thing under the score banner that announces homeruns said “2-run Homerun - Mauer (1)”. However, he was still at the plate at the time. In fact, he wound up walking.

Sorry about the crappy picture. I don’t have HD TV, and I’m just using a digital camera because I don’t have the equipment and/or knowhow to get pictures off my DVR. And yes, I’m dorky enough to record every game.